sunday.december.08.2002

it's way to early for me to be awake and writing in this. surprisingly, i'm not feeling the effects of the two and a half hours of sleep i got last night... if you can even call it sleep. anyway, i marched my sleigh bells for the christmas parade downtown. it was pretty awesome since everyone seemed to enjoy us. and... we were on television. yup, a few of the camera men got in our way. i also saw some familiar faces from vanguard. sometimes i still think about doing vanguard. i mean it just looks like it would be such an amazing experience, and according to everyone that has marched vanguard, it is. i've gone to a few of the camps, and i can tell that vanguard would surely improve my mallet skills. always a good thing. the only reason i can't do it is the cost. way toooooo much money. maybe if i get a job soon, and save up enough money, i'll put it towards a season of vanguard. ahh wishful thinking. gotta love it!

the show inside the mall was incredibly awesome until the manager of american eagle outfitters shut it down. the other left went first, and was luckily able to play their entire set. tragedy andy went on second, but were told to stop in the middle of their set. booo! and mishap didn't even get to play. the bands were all excited to play... well i mean, who wouldn't be??! it's not everyday that you get to hear a live band playing inside the mall, right?

after the mall incident, i had to rush off to the event center for practice. yup. the final concert of my marching band season - dun dun DUN! there were lots of people there, which is always a pleasure when you're performing. it's strange though... i've done many performances throughout my life, and i still get the jitters when i start to play. i wasn't tooo thrilled about the results of the performance. i know all of us as a band could've done much better. i think we were just tooo tired. i mean, a damn parade in the morning, then long ass practice, with an extremely short break to grab some grub, then the performance.

i visited johnny late last night, or really early this morning - whichever you prefer. he has these really neat red lights that go around his bed. very romantic. we snuggled up for a bit to keep warm, then watched the first half of the princess bride. i can't wait to watch the rest of the movie. i like it so far. it was just a really nice night because i was able to spend it with my babe. he always knows how to make me smile, and i love that! hehe, good karma always floating around when i'm with johnny.

saturday.december.07.2002

owie. i don't know if it's called a crotch bone or anything like that, but mine is hurting like a mofo. i biked about four miles today with my dad, and now i'm sore. but it was good stuff. i haven't been keeping my body in shape, so i gotta burn off the pudginess somehow.

i was forced to attend a christmas party with my parents and alain. ohh man, it was pretty damn boring. maybe if was ten years older, and if i actually knew the people at the party, i would have had more fun. aiyah. but i guess the upside to the party was that they served really yummy food. hahaha, yeah i am truly a fatty! only goin for the food. alain and i decided to leave the party early, so we headed to media play to get a movie to watch when we got home. he ended up buying the evil dead since our copy on tape is pretty old and crappy to watch. as soon as we stepped foot in the house, we realized we forgot the drinks and popcorn. being the koolest little sister in the world, i volunteered to make a run to the store to get some. ahh... nothing is better than spending a late night curled up with a bowl of popcorn, a can of juice, and bloody demons on the television screen. relaxing, indeed.

friday.december.06.2002

today was such a tiring day. it was all thanks to marching band rehearsal. my gosh... we had to practice in the parade block for the parade we're doing this sunday. i'm playing the sleigh bells! haha, janky. anyway, i'm here at my babe's house, chillin with gina. the guys are practicing downstairs for their show this sunday. exciting indeed.

--come see The Other Left play in the mall--
--sunday, december 8th at 2pm--
--american eagle outfitters inside valley fair--
--also performing Tragedy Andy & Mishap--

wednesday.december.04.2002

thankfully, the recording for marching band is finished. it took us two days, and hopefully it all sounds great. after all, scott kept telling us that we were being recorded by a guy with expensive professional equipment. maybe he just tells us that so we'll stop fucking around and play music like we're supposed to. hehehe. i can't wait to hear the cd. damn, i better get one for free. i think that'd be pretty fucked up if the members of the band didn't actually get a cd of themselves playing. i'm kind of excited that we have a concert this sunday. also a little sad that it's the last performance we have together as a marching unit for this semester. awww, the tears are gathering up in the corner of my eye. as tears go by... sigh. i guess i'm just glad that i met a whole bunch of interesting band kids, and was able to really bond with a few of them. ahh, the joy of making friends. always a guaranteed smile.

the end of the semester is approaching quite fast, and i'm worrying like crazy. i have the last math test tomorrow, then it's time to prepare for the wretched final. you would think that after figuring my way around exponential and logarithmic functions for about three or four hours straight, i should be okay with getting decent results tomorrow. but the truth is i'm trippin hardcore about this test. this just worries me for how much i'm going to stress when finals come a-knockin'. i complain too much about school and life, but in some ways, it's like i live for the stress. i think ever since i joined marching band in high school, i've assimilated to being pressured for time. ohh man, and i must mention that being a natural procrastinator really doesn't do me any good. but it just feels like if i'm not doing something with my time, like rushing to get an essay finished before school starts or trying to cram in a crapload of information at three in the morning, it's all going to waste. ugh, i can't deal with it at times, but i know i can't live without it. sometimes i wish that all this stress was good stress. eustress. it would still break down on my body, but at least i would be happy while it happens.

i'm just looking forward to the fact that tomorrow is thursday - pretty much the end of my week. definetly something that'll make me a happier person.

tuesday.november.03.2002

it's late, but my eyes are surprisingly wide open. it was probably the nap i had earlier today. thank goodness for naps. well, i'm sitting here trying to figure out the exciting concepts of logarithms and how the hell you solve for x, as well as working my bullshitting skills in an essay about the negative influences of television. whoo. it's times like this i love school. mmm hmm. my day really didn't consist of anything mind-blowing. there are only two happenings today that stick out in my mind. one was the nap. the other was when i visited johnny. my poor bebeh is all stuffed up with boogers! eww! it's okay... johnny is my treasure planet! heheh. i went to see my counselor today, and we set out a little plan for the classes i should definetly be taking next semester, as well as for the next few years. damn. it's a bit scary to think that here i am, preparing myself for a career i might be doing my entire life. eeep. as if that wasn't enough to fret about, i'm worried like crazy about finals coming up. i really don't know if i'm ready to handle the stress that's on its way. aiyah, too much to do.

sunday.december.01.2002

i don't understand it. nothing is resolved, yet everything i rambled on and on about seems to be forgotten - at least momentarily. indeed, my grief is still here with its ugly shadow lingering behind me, laughing at me each time i turn my head. but hey, tomorrow is a new day! and you know what that means... another chance for a spark of unhappiness. aiyah, i know that it's probably bad for your health to think so pessimisstically, but it's also unhealthy to hide your true emotions. believe me, i used to do it. i used to keep everything inside. but one day, i couldn't take it anymore, and i blew a fuse. to this very day, i still have trouble letting out feelings. but the emotions eventually seep out into the form of words. i have to admit, it really does give me a sense of relief. crying seems to give that similar type of alleviation. someone once called me a crybaby. apparently i always let the tears take over me whenever i couldn't deal with a problem. and you know, maybe i am a crybaby. gosh, i'll even admit that i can be a crybaby. but shit, i would always feel much better after a good cry. holding those feelings inside might make you look like the stronger person, but i know that if i even try to hold it in, it'll just make me feel worse. i learned somewhere that crying is very therapeutic, and i agree whole-heartedly.

i'd like to say i had the greatest weekend ever and i enjoyed every single minute of it, but then i would be lying. however, there were select moments i did enjoy... spending time with my johnny (including thanksgiving and treasure planet), talking with miss mio on the phone, driving miranda around in search of boba (even though we never found it! grr...), sleeping in till four in the afternoon, and talking online with some of my awesome buddies... good times. even though i was able to do all this stuff, i have to argue that the weekend was too short. aiyah, it's about that time for me to sleep to dream.

saturday.november.30.2002

the sweetness in life can only last so long before it goes sour. i don't understand why the happiness that runs in my life is so inconsistent. but then again, if everything went well all the time, it would be the perfect life. and, heaven forbid, anyone would want that. aiyah. it's just too stressful for me to deal with. one minute, i was so happy. everything was going fine, and life was at its best. but leave it up to my parents to spoil my happiness. no matter how much i try, compromise isn't an option with them. and we all know that no one appreciates getting an ultimatum thrown in their face. don't get me wrong, i love my parents with all my heart, but right now, they need to let me be happy. after all, isn't that what a parent lives for? to see their child gleaming with happiness??! my parents must have missed the memo. actually, i think my entire family missed the memo. being the youngest and the only girl of an asian family really takes its toll on you. i never imagined it could get this bad. i need to get out of here. i'm unhappy. today has been one of the most confusing days for me... i'm extremely upset with everything inside this home, and there's even times that i want to punch everything in sight. but then again, i'm crying inside for someone in this family to understand. i just wait for the day when i'm lying in bed, looking up at my glow-in-the-dark stars through teary eyes, and trying to forget everything that makes me upset, someone is going to open my door, walk over to me, and just hold me tight, telling me over and over they were wrong... that they understand how i'm feeling, and that i'm free from this prison of unhappiness. it hasn't happened yet. and still i wait here.